This news set me thinking. Who's to be blamed for Shinjini's condition? It's not only Shinjini. Most of the teenagers can't face defeats and criticism. What can be the reason? Most of the times, parents are at fault. They put pressure on their wards to excel. Remember, the focus is on excelling, being better than the rest. So, instead of saying "Do Your Best", parents often say "Be the Best." Moreover, kids are not made to face tough life ahead. Parents are over-protective. Children cannot be scolded for their misdeeds because one never knows how they will react. And when such children grow up, they become frustrated adults. They do not have the courage to face life's problems. Failure scares them terribly.

It's high time that parents realise that it's a big, bad world out there and children must be made to realise this aspect too. And the sooner they realise it, the better it is for them. I do not know whether Shinjini's parents had told her before appearing on the show that whether she won or lost, it didn't matter to them. Of course, the judges too may have been at fault. I have noticed that the judges judge a 16 year old participant and a 25 year old participant in the same way. This is not good. There should be different criteria for both the groups. And I always wonder whether those who judge the participants have themselves been faultless. Instead of saying that "Your performance was bad", it can always be stated that "You can do better." I have always said to my students, "Okay, you did not do well today but next time remember to do it like this." When you put things in a positive manner the response will also turn out to be positive.

This story is about three monkeys. Once, as they were roaming, they saw a mountain. Two of those monkeys talked to each other and decided that they would climb that mountain. One monkey tried. Half way through, he became very tired and came down. He told his friends that it was impossible to climb the mountain. The other monkey also tried, but came back unsuccessful. He too said that it was impossible to climb that mountain. The third monkey who saw the two friends climb the mountain and return half way, tried. He went up slowly. He reached the first bend, then the second, then the third. He put in great effort. All the while, his eyes were set on the mountain summit. Ultimately, he reached there. After a while, he slowly got down while his two friends waited. Why do you think the first and the second monkeys could not climb the mountain but the third one could? The third monkey was deaf. He couldn't hear the negative comments that his friends had stated. He started with the grit and determination that the other two were lacking.

Don't we face similar situations in our life? So many times, we have not attempted to do something because many people have told us that it's not possible to do it. We do not question their wisdom. We are scared of failures. We find certain mountains insurmountable. But do we ever try to climb them? Life gives us chances. It depends on how well we use them. Take one step at a time. Do not let negative thoughts creep in your mind. Then your path would surely lead you to success.

The other day, I had gone to a shop to get my mobile's talk time recharged. An incident happened which set my thought process working. As I recharged my mobile, two young girls came with a small girl who would have been around two years old. Within seconds I heard the little kid say "Maney naani rickshaa joiye." (That's 'I want the small rickshaw' in Gujarati.) One of the ladies told the kid "Ahinyaa rickshaa naa hoy." (You won't find rickshaw here.) "Chhe" (It's there.), the kid said immediately. When the lady told the child to point out where the rickshaw was, she pointed to one extreme corner of a showcase. And there it was, a yellow and black toy rickshaw. All those who were present in the shop were amazed at the outcome. How could such a small child observe things which adults missed out?

Isn't it true that we miss out on so many little joys that life gives us almost every day? May be, that's because we have our own set of prejudices, snobbishness, ego. We do not see things with an open mind. That child taught me to look in the corner of our own hearts, to find the real 'me'. Somewhere in the corner of my heart, I am snobbish too. I do not take defeats in the right spirit. I blame others easily. It's time that I change myself. If I can change myself, the world will surely change too.

The mall culture that's developing in the cities of India scares me. Of late, numerous mall have come up in my city of Baroda. Many more are coming up. The life style of the people has changed. My mom stated recently that till a few years back, even if people had money, they wouldn't buy any eatables for their children. Now they let children choose what they want to buy. I wonder whether it's it good for little children to decide these things. Now-a-days, if friends have to meet, they will meet in one of the mega malls, do some chatting, may be, spend a few hours shopping, eat food and go back home. There used to be a time, not long ago, when friends used to come home, not only to meet friends but their family members too. Times have changed for sure.

May be, I am delving too much into the negative aspects of mall culture. But recently when I went to one of the Mega Stores with my family members, I was in store for a pleasant surprise. No, no, I did not meet a long lost friend. Something better happened. My mom became very nostalgic. The thing is that we were strolling around in the Veggie section of the mall. My mom saw a fruit in the packet. It was not the kind of fruit that I had seen in Baroda before. But she recognised it instantly. We bought a packet home. That fruit is known as Pomelo. Why did my mom become nostalgic? When she was a school going child, she had eaten Pomelo. She told me that her she and her friends used to pool in money and buy Pomelo. They would share it and eat on the way to school. I was amazed to know how a mall and a fruit could take my mom back to her childhood days!!!

Two sides of the same coin? May be. It's the way how you look at it. And yes, I have relished eating Pomelo too. May be, when you visit a mall next time, you may also get a chance to become nostalgic.

One mother complained that her child did not eat the food that was sent to school. She used to bring the tiffin home just the way her mother had packed. This girl was a chatterbox. She liked to talk a lot, not only with other children but with teachers too. She was a good singer. And we teachers used to have nice time listening to her chatter and songs. But not eating food was one problem that I could not tackle for a long time. I tried cajoling her but to no avail. How could a three year old hyperactive child be made to eat? Giving lecture is of no use. Even I would not like to hear from anyone about the importance of food. So how could I expect that a little kid would listen to me on that account? I was really upset, not knowing what to do. In a bit of anger, I told her "I know you will not eat food. I am sure you won't." Guess what! She took it as a challenge, proclaimed loudly that she will eat food, went to her place and finished eating. After that she came to my table and showed the empty tiffin box. I was really happy to see a broad smile on her face, a smile of victory. After all, she proved the teacher wrong. I just hugged her. She put her tiffin box in the bag and then came to my table and continued chatting.

Frankly speaking, I had not expected that my negative response would work in such a positive manner. But then I remembered a point which I had read about children. If you want to make them do something just tell them not to do it. They will be tempted to do the same. Sometimes, two negatives do make one positive. But again, please do remember that each child is different. What worked with this child may not work with yours. Our problem is that we don't have the patience or time to think what best suits a child. I heard one parent say "My child throws tantrums. Yesterday, things went out of control and I hit him for the first time." Does hitting help? May be, for some children it would help but there are others for whom it would work in reverse. They can throw more tantrums. It's the same case with food. You can't and shouldn't force a child to eat when that child doesn't want to. A grown up child and a little kid have to be dealt in different manners. And please don't expect a three year old child to understand your lecture about the importance of food.

Recently, an incident happened when I went to bank. There was an argument between a customer and an employee of the bank. After a while, the argument got escalated in to heated argument in full view of everybody else in the bank, including the other customers, who got a bit jittery watching the 'big fight'. Soon, I saw the Bank Manager coming out of his cabin. He told the customer "Please come with me." and took the fiery customer in to his personal cabin. The discussion between the customer and the manager went on for a long time. I do not know what was told by the manager. But, after a while, I thought I saw a totally different customer coming out of the cabin. He was relaxed and his anger had disappeared completely.

This incident set me thinking. So many times, matter gets aggravated because we fail to see reason and anger flares up on both the sides. But a perfect manager knows the ways to diffuse tension. May be, just listening to what the person has to say would make a lot of difference. After all, isn't it said that God has given us two ears and one mouth so that we listen more and speak less? Unfortunately, most often, it happens the other way round. We prefer to blast others without thinking about the consequences. So, what would you like to be today? A fiery customer or an Understanding Manager?

Part of an application form for admission to an elite school had to be filled out by the candidate's parents. One of the questions in this section was : "Does your child have any capacity for leadership?' With refreshing frankness, the father of one child wrote " My daughter has very little capacity for leadership. However, she is an intelligent follower."

The Principal of this prestigious school was so delighted with this unusual and honest response that he telephoned the father and asked him to bring his daughter without any further delay. He told him that the child would not have to undergo any other tests and interviews. She was admitted to the programme. The Principal added 'This was the first girl among thousands who was not a "born" leader.'

There is a lot of talk about leadership and much trouble is taken to train leaders. We need to be more concerned about training followers. Intelligent following is a rarity. There is something disturbing that is happening in our society. Most of those who have not been good followers turn out to be difficult and unacceptable leaders. So, instead of progressing, we keep spending time on unproductive practices.

As J. C. McCauley has wisely said, "One of the marks of true greatness is the ability to develop greatness in others." A good follower is often able to do this better.

My students have this habit of coming out with such pearls of wisdom that they sharpen my sense of wit. The other day, some of them were discussing with me about what to do on Valentine's Day. One of them asked me what my plans were. I told her that, since I did not have any Valentine, there's no point in celebrating Valentine's Day. She said "Ma'am, if you don't have a Valentine, you can make one. It's very simple. You need only one minute to know a person, another minute to make friends with him and in the next minute itself you can make him your Valentine. It's a fast paced world" I was stunned when I heard that but I maintained composure and told her calmly, "Yes, and the next minute itself, he'll leave you and go. It's a fast paced world, no?"

All the students laughed at my answer but it set me thinking. Have all the relationships become so hollow? Is love a thing to be done without giving a thought? Well, it is said that love is blind. May be, that is the reason why people always fall in love. If they are blind, how can they see the pitfalls that lie ahead? I remember a funny quote from Albert Einstein. "Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love."

I hope all my friends get to share time with their Valentines. I hope this Valentine's Day gives you loads of memories to cherish. Do not fall in love. Rather, lift yourself to greater heights in love.

I live for those who love me,

For those who know me true,

For the Heaven that smiles above me,

And awaits my coming too;

For the cause that lacks assistance,

For the wrong that needs resistance,

For the future in the distance,

And the good that I can do.